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Episode three of the new
show:
Rebot
ABCBS Productions presents
A Mark Corpulent movie
Tub Orville Lard
Real Ed Fat
In...
Two Fat Guys on the Planet Zombie
(We open to Tub and Real)
Real: Hi!
Tub: As you may or may not know, ABCBS has taken over this space
to show our feature film, Two Fat Guys on the Planet Zombie.
Real: Yep. But, as an added bonus, we'll be forcing the main
characters of Rebot to watch it!
Tub: MWA HA HA!
Real: So, he we go with...
Tub: Two Fat Guys on the Planet Zombie!
(We're in the theater. Bob, Dot,
and the like are in their seats.)
Perky Announcer Lady: Hello! Please take your seats. The usher
will be coming around to strap you in your seats. There will be 2
intermissions.
Dot: Bob, how will we live through this?
Bob: It's quite simple! See, I met this guy, Mike Nelson, and
these 3 robots, and there was this bad woman, Pearl, and she made
them watch bad movies. Kay? So, Mike and the robots riffed the
movies by like making fun of it while it runned! So that's what
we'll do.
Perky Announcer Lady: Please, no smoking, transporting, or
talking while the movie is playing or we'll nullify you.
Bob: Ah, bit.
P.A.L.: Thank you. Now the movie begins!
(The lights dim)
Someone: Coming soon, to a theater near you! Turtles are trapped
in a farm...
Turtle: We've got to move, people move!
Turtle: We're not people, we're turtles!
Someone: They plan their escape....
Turtle: So, we just crawl.
Someone: In the new movie...
Turtle: Yeee-haw! I'm doing 5!
Someone: Turtle Run!
Turtle: Slow and steady gets eaten. Is that what we want?
Someone: Coming August 31st everywhere.
Turtle: I think so...
(Okay, that was stupid. But anyway...)
ABCBS Productions present...
A movie directed by Mark Corpulent...
And it's called...
Two Fat Guys on the Planet Zombie
(A bunch of violins play)
Some Words: Washington D.C. The White House.
President: (Who's a woman) So, Tub, Real, you accept the mission?
Tub: Uh, sure.
Real: Yep! I hate zombies!
President: Good. Remember, the zombies are approaching Earth soo
fast...
Real: How fast is it?
President: Really fast. REALLY fast. Really fast. Really
fast. REALLY...
Tub: We get the point.
President: So, you each get a gun with 500 zaps of ammo, a big
spaceship, and food.
Tub: We need that!
Real: Lots of it!
President: Well, that's good, cause you're getting it!
Some Words: (They are put up letter by letter, really slow) L a t
e r . . .
President: We salute you!
Real: That's great. Bye! *ZOOM*
President: Hey wait! What about my long boring speech to the
masses?
Masses: Yay!
President: I'll do it anyway.
Masses: Boo!
(Cut to a shot of "space". It's really just a big green
and blue ball rolling away from a space ship. Now to the interior
of the ship)
Tub: Captain's Log. Stardate.. um...
Real: August 4th.
Tub: August 4th. We have.. just-blasted-off... fromEarth.
We-are... flying ve-ry-fast and... we-are doing f-ine.
Real: Huh?
Tub: I like Shatner.
Real: Oh.
Tub: Visual scanners report lots of food nearby.
Real: Mmm! Wanna eat?
Tub: Sure thing.
(They leave)
(Just then, the light marked "Approaching enemy zombie
warship XR-2Z190-10-10-321 and we're all gonna die" flashes)
Real: Do you hear something?
Tub: You mean the computer saying "Approaching enemy zombie
warship XR-2Z190-10-10-321 and we're all gonna die"?
Real: Yep.
Tub: Nope.
Real: Okay then.
(They both double take)
Real & Tub: Approaching enemy zombie warship
XR-2Z190-10-10-321 and we're all gonna die? AAAAAAAA!
P.A.L.: This ends the first part
of the movie. Please get up and stretch for 5... um...
milliseconds.
(Out in the main atrium thing)
Bob: Boy, that movie stinks.
Dot: Yeah. It's like limburger
Bob: Or my boots when I take them off.
Enzo: Hey Bob?
Bob: Shut up, I'm ignoring you.
Enzo: Mike the TV and I are going to tunnel our way under the
theater to ABCBS' world headquarters and stop the movie.
Bob: Okay, Mike, go ahead.
Enzo: What about me?
Bob: Shut up Enzo, I'm ignoring you.
Enzo: *sigh* Got the pick ax?
Mike: Yep.
Enzo: Drill?
Mike: Yep.
Enzo: Hard hat?
Mike: Wearing it. *taps it*
Enzo: Then let's go!
(Mike and Enzo find a deserted spot somewhere and start digging)
P.A.L.: Okay, everybody, please go back into the theater.
Bob: We've got movie siiiiiign!
Dot: What?
Bob: Oh, uh, nothing.
Real: Okay, calm down. Nothing to
worry about. Don't panic.
(Button marked "Panic" comes on)
Real: Okay, now we can panic.
(Panic ensues. Chaos ensues. Many other bad things ensue)
Tub: The zombies are signaling us! Come Real, to the bat-bridge!
(Tub's face zooms in on the camera and back out with that music.
You know. Like in Batman. *sigh*)
Zombie: (on screen) So, you have approached our zombie warship...
oh I won't say it. A very stupid thing to do! Because now you are
inside our warship, and we are taking you to Planet Zombie! Mwa
ha ha!
Real: Oh, greaaat...
Zombie: So, bye.
Tub: What should we do?
Real: Just sit here and wait.
Tub: Okay.
(Cut to a shot of "space" again. A different spaceship
has a big gray ball rolling towards it)
Tub: Okay, get ready. This could be ugly.
Real: Okay.
(Hatch opens)
Zombie: Hello. Please do not offend us in any way, or we will
hurt you.
Tub: Okay! Wow you're nice.
Zombie: Thank you.
Real: Ooh! String! (picks it up)
Zombie: AAAA! It is forbidden for visitors to pick up gruto!
Real: Gruto?
Zombie: You will be arrested!
(4,000 zombies appear)
Real: Um, uh-oh.
Zombie: Attack!
(All 4,001 zombies fire Pain Guns Patent 8,392,283.2, and some
also carry Even More Pain Guns Patent pending)
Real: AAA! *writhes* *screams* *writhes* *horrors*
Tub: Real! REAL! (He turns to look at hte zombies, who are
laughing. He narrows his eyes. He clenches his fist. Ooh, he's
mad!) I DON' TINK SO!
Zombie: What?
Tub: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (He rolls like a bowling ball through
the crowd of skinny zombies, knocking then down like bowling
pins)
Real: Yay.. oo, my leg... Real to Sick Bay...
Tub: You will never do that again!
Zombie: Nope, cause our planet's gonna self-destruct in...
(consults a watch) 4 minutes.
Tub: Run! (Picks Real up and runs)
Zombie: You'll never esacpe... alive! Ha ha ha!
(Cut to shot of interior of ship)
Tub: Come on! Let's break free!
Computer: Self-destruct in 10, 9, 8, 7, 5...
Real: 5? What happened to 6?
Computer: Just kidding!
Real: Grrr...
Computer: 5, 4, 3, 2...
Tub: We're not going to make it!
Computer: 1, 0.
Tub & Real: AAAAA!
Computer: Planet will self-destruct now. Have a nice day.
Tub & Real: Thanks!
Computer: You're welcome!
(Cut to a shot of "space". The spaceship is sitting
there while I big flaming ball rolls away from it. It hits an
offstage crew member)
Crew member: AAAA! My pants!!! Water! PUT IT OUT!
Some Words: L a t e r . . .
President: Here are your medals of bravery.
Tub: Thanks.
Real: Will you marry me now?
President: NO! *slaps him*
Real: Ouch...
The End
P.A.L.: This ends the movie.
Please exit the theater and come back in five minutes for the
credits.
(Outside in the atrium)
Bob: Well, that was bad.
Dot: Oh yeah.
Ray: I DON'T TINK SO! I DON'T TINK SO! HA HA HA!
Mouse: Ray went a little insane, sugah.
Matrix: (sarcastically) Too bad.
AndrAIa: Enzo! (Paralyzes him)
Dot: I wonder how Mike is doing underground.
(Underground)
Enzo: Well, we're almost there! Just keep digging!
Mike: I can't go on! Leave me.... save yourself!
Enzo: MIKE!
Mike: Sorry.
(Back at the atrium)
P.A.L.: Please enter the theater once more for the credits.
Credits
Tub O.
Lard..............................................................................................................Himself
Real E.
Fat................................................................................................................Himself
President......................................................................................................Tony
Jay's wife
Zombie
Leader.......................................................................................................Tony
Jay
4,000
zombies...............................................................................................CGI
Creations
Masses...........................................................................................................CGI
Creations
Computer......................................................................................Someone
Who We Forget
Director
Mark Corpulent
Producer
Mark Corpulent
Crew
Mark Corpulent
Tom "AAA! My pants!" Atkins
Special Thanks
ABCBS
Sony
Other People Who We Met in College
Blah blah blah
P.A.L.: This has
been Two Fat Guys on the Planet Zombie. Thank you.
Tub: There's been a change in plans. We'll now be showing the
sequel, Two Fat Zombies on the Planet Guy!
Mainframers: NOOOOOO!
(Meanwhile...)
Enzo: Hi! We're breaking through!
Mike: Must.... *BAM*
Control Guy: Hey! Stop!
Mike: Bucket O' Nothing! 99.99.99!!!!
Control Guy: AAAAA! *runs off*
(Mike and Enzo turn everything off on the control board)
Tub: Hey, what gives with this projector?
Real: Uh-oh. Manual Override.
Tub: Shoot.
Bob: Yay! Mike got through!
Dot: Yay Mike!
Mike: (comes in) Thank you!
Enzo: Hey what about me?
Bob: Shut up Enzo, I'm ignoring you.
Enzo: *sigh*
The End
CREDITS
Rebot is mine. Story copyright 2000 A_Einome. Tub O. Lard and Real E. Fat are mine too. So is ABCBS. Bob, Dot, anfd the like belong to Mainframe. Mike Nelson is his own, and he probably doesn't care I'm mentioning him. "We've got movie siiiiiiign!" is probably properties of Best Brains Inc. Tony Jay and his wife are very nice people, I'm sure they don't mind either. The President doesn't care either, cause there hasn't been a woman one yet. P.A.L. is properties of people who have computers answer you going "If you'd like to hang up, please press 1" All the people in the movie are mine. I think. "Two Fat Guys on the Planet Zombie" is mine. Turtle Run came from Chicken Run, and Nick Park rocks. He won't care.... William Shatner won't care either, since he's been poked at in about every space humor fic. Okay? I think that's it. If I missed anything, please e-mail me at agbstarwars@hotmail.com but don't sue me. Thank you, and Godspeed John Glenn.