Who Wants to be a Unitaire?

That's right! Regis has finally made his way here! Woo hoo! Now let's see how those wacky Mainframers fare!

Regis: Hello, welcome to "Who Wants to be a Unitaire?"! We have 10 contestants ready, all from Mainframe! What a coincidence! And they are!

Bob!
Dot Matrix!
Enzo Matrix!
Matrix!
Megabyte!
Hexadecimal!
AndrAIa!
Phong!
Ray Tracer!
and Mouse!
So let's play!

(Later)

Regis: Okay, Bob, you're going for $1,000. Here's the question.
What word means "stupid"?
A. smart B. thickheaded
C. BASIC D. forthwith

Bob: Oh! C. BASIC.
Regis: No Bob, see, BASIC was capitilized, meaning it was the computer language.
Bob: What????
Regis: Sorry, you lose $500.
Bob: Grrr.... (builds up energy in hands)
Regis: Uh... uh... we'llberightbackafterthiscommercialuhbye! (Goes)
Enzo: He's sounding like me! Cool!
Matrix: Great.

(Later)
Regis: I'm sorry, Dot, but you can't use that organizer. You might be cheating.
Dot: But I always carry my organizer!
Regis: I'm sorry.
Dot: Okay, here, Enzo.
Enzo & Matrix: Me? Hey, it's ME! No, not you!
Dot: How about Bob.
Bob: OK. (takes it)
Regis: (grumbles) OK, now let's play!

(Later)
Regis: Wow Dot! You've past 64,000, going for 125,000. Good job! Two lifelines left! Okay, the $125,000 question!
What did the phrase, "e pluribus unum" come from?
A. French B. Greek
C. Latin D. COBOL
Dot: Hmm... I'll ask the audience.
Regis: OK, audience, vote A,B,C, or D!
Audience: Hmm... hm...
Keypads: Beeep bloop boop orp
Regis: OK! 34% say Greek, 20% say COBOL, 25% say Latin, and 21% say French.
Dot: Good. I thought so! B. Greek.
Regis: Is that your final answer?
Dot: Mmmm... yes.
Regis: No, it was Latin! But don't worry, you don't lose anything.
Dot: Good. Cause if I did... (looks at Bob)
Regis: Well, um, er I see...
(Later)
Regis: Well, Matrix, you're going for $16,000.
Matrix: And happy about it.
Regis: Enzo didn't get the $200 question right, even with all his lifelines! I wonder why he called Frisket? He's a dog.
Matrix: He's not as compiled as me.
Regis: Huh?
Matrix: Forget it. Get to the question.
Regis: Okay,
What is March's gemstone?
A. Emerald B. Ruby
C. Quartz C. Pearl
Matrix: A. Emerald.
Regis: Is that your final answer?
Matrix: (getting Gun out) Yes.
Regis: Uh.. you're right!
Matrix: Good. (puts Gun away) I think I'll stop.
Regis: (wipes head) Phew.
Matrix: Excuse me???
Regis: Uh-oh.
(Later)
Megabyte: So how am I doing?
Regis: Good. (for a virus)
Megabyte: What??
Regis: Nothing. Okay, the $4,000 question!
What is the sector Mr. Pearson's Data Dump is in?
A. 1001 B. 10001
C. 0101 C. 10010
Megabyte: I'd like to... vid a friend.
Regis: Who?
Megabyte: Viral Commander, Archives, Mainframe.
Phong: The Archives?! You vi-
Regis: Phong, shush!
Phong: Sorry. (sticks tounge out)
Megabyte: Don't worry, Phong, I'll delete you afterwards.
Regis: Anyway, here's your friend.
ZING!
Cmdr.: Sir!
Megabyte: Okay, look under the file "Sectors", and find Mr. Pearson's dump.
Cmdr.: Yes, Sir!
Regis: Mr. Byte, that's cheating.
Megabyte: So? Ha-ha! And if you say anything bad I'll delete all of you! Ha ha ha!
Hex: I love the way my brother thinks!
Regis: OK, I think I've got the hang of computer jargon... file lock him and put him in storage data!
Megabyte: what? You can't do that. I'm a vi- (File-locked)
(Later)
Hex: What joy!
Regis: Yes, you're doing good!
Hex: No, the joy is I could bring Scuzzy! Good Scuzzy!
Scuzzy: Grrrrrr....
Hex: No, Mr. Philbin is nice. He's going to give us money! Happy happy happy!
Regis: Whatever... Now for the $250,000 question.
What chemical is normally used in thermometers?
A. Iodine B. Mercury
C. Alchohol D. Lithium
Hex: Hmmm.... I'll say B. Mercury.
Regis: Final answer?
Hex: Yes.
Regis: You've won $250,000!
Hex: Yay!
Bob: Wow! For being random, she sure is smart!
Hex: I adore it when you talk like that, Bob...
Bob: Um, okay...
(Later)
AndrAIa: Stop staring at me and ask me a question!
Regis: Wha? Oh! um.. (stares)
AndrAIa: At this rate, I won't win anything.
(Hack and Slash bust in)
Hack: We have word that.. um..
Slash: People are doing good.
Hack: Very, very bad.
Slash: Hey, I said good!
Hack: I said bad!
Slash: Good!
Hack: Bad!
(knowing this could go on for awhile, we go to a commercial)
(Much, much later)
Slash: Good!
Hack: Bad!
Phong: (Who came up because AndrAIa left from boredom) what about good & bad?
Slash: Hey that's right!
Hack: Yeah! Now, we were gonna say... oh, I forget.
Slash: Me too. Let's go. (They go)
(Later)
Regis: Well Phong, are you sure that's your final answer?
Phong: Yes.
Regis: This is for a million.
Phong: Yes.
Regis: I mean, you could-
Phong: STOP OR I'LL- wait I don't have a weapon do I?
Regis: No, but your answer WAS CORRECT! YOU'VE WON A MILLION DOLLARS!
Phong: Yes! I've been waiting! Ha! Whoever called me basic way back then, may they're digits crack! Yes! Yes! Hoo-hoo!
Enzo: See, I wanted to do that.
Mouse: Ah don't get it.
Ray: Me neither luv. Might as well go up.
Mouse: Not without... this! (Gives Ray another long kiss)
(Later)
Ray: Well, mate, I think I'm doing well.
Regis: You're not.
Ray: Huh?
Regis: You're going for 2,000 and you don't have any lifelines left!
Ray: Might as well quit.
Regis: No no no! I like to humiliate people.
Ray: Great.
Regis: So here's the-
Ray: I'm going anyway.
Regis: No you're not! I took karate! Hi-YA! (kicks Ray)
Ray: Um, mate?
Regis: Don't care! Hi-YA! HAI! HA!
Ray: Mate, I can't get hurt.
Regis: I can't hear you! YA! Ow! My foot!
Ray: Whatever, mate.
(Later)
Mouse: So, sugah, have ah gotten enough?
Regis: Yes! You're up to 500,000! How did you do it?
Mouse: I am a hacker, right sugah? (wink wink)
Regis: Oh. That means you're cheating. But how did you hack into my computer?
Mouse: Ah still don't get it.
Regis: Me neither.
(Megabyte busts in)
Megabyte: Ha-ha! I'm out! Now I'll infect you all! Starting with... Regis.
Bob: Not so fast, Megabyte! (zaps him)
Dot: Go Bob!
Enzo: Cool!
AndrAIa: Eat my trident!
Matrix: Gun! Targeting!
Hexadecimal: Shame on you brother! YAAA!
Scuzzy: RRRRRRRR!
Frisket: RRRRRRRR!
Phong: Cannot infect me, virus!
Ray Tracer: Uh, what can I do?
Mouse: (pulls out katana and hisses) You've double-crossed me twice! This makes three! YAA!
Regis: I still know karate!
Ray: That doesn't help, mate.
(Later)
Regis: Well, this was an intresting night. Many contestants played, some did good, some did bad. Now Megabyte's out like a null, and everyone (save Hex, who's never okay in the head) is OK. Well, that ends tonight's game. See you tomorrow! Stay tuned for The Drew Carey Show on ABC! Goodnight!

The End

Fanfics