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(Everyone enters and sits down)
Crow: Let's see how bad this "bad movie" is.
Episode
three of the new show:
Mike: Why is that crossed out?
Rebot
Servo: Well, we'd better find out soon.
ABCBS Productions presents
Crow: A Really Stupid Movie.
A Mark Corpulent movie
Servo: Which Is Realy Stupid.
Tub Orville Lard
Bob: Orville?
Real Ed Fat
Mike: That should be Edward.
In...
Crow: ...out.
Two Fat Guys on the Planet Zombie
(We open to Tub
and Real)
Real: Hi!
Tub: As you may or may not know, ABCBS has taken over this space
to show our feature film, Two Fat Guys on the Planet Zombie.
Mike: (sarcasm) Woo hoo.
Real: Yep. But, as an added bonus, we'll be forcing the main characters of Rebot to watch it!
Crow:
Just like Pearl's forcing us to watch bad movies!
Servo: Whoa. What a coincidence.
Tub: MWA HA HA!
Real: So, he we go with...
Tub: Two Fat Guys on the Planet Zombie!
Mike:
I wonder what Bob will do.
Bob: I would go insane.
(We're in the
theater. Bob, Dot, and the like are in their seats.)
Perky Announcer Lady: Hello! Please take your seats. The usher
will be coming around to strap you in your seats.
Crow: Geez, they have to strap them in? What if they REALLY have to go? Or they want a refill? Or their cell phone starts to ring? HUH?
There will be 2
intermissions.
Dot: Bob, how will we live through this?
Mike: No, the question is, "Will we live through this?"
Bob: It's quite simple! See, I met this guy, Mike Nelson,
Mike: Hey, that's me!
and these 3 robots,
Crow:
Me!
Servo: Me!
Crow: And Gypsy.
and there was this bad woman,
Mike: Pearl Forrester.
Pearl, and she made them watch bad movies. Kay? So, Mike and the robots riffed the movies by like making fun of it while it runned!
Bob:
That should be ran.
Crow: I didn't know we were so... famous!
So that's what
we'll do.
Perky Announcer Lady: Please, no smoking, transporting, or
talking while the movie is playing or we'll nullify you.
Servo: Harsh, aren't they?
Bob: Ah, bit.
P.A.L.: Thank you. Now the movie begins!
(The lights dim)
Crow: I can't see! *BONK*
Someone: Coming soon, to a theater near you! Turtles are trapped in a farm...
Servo: What?
Turtle: We've got to move, people move!
Mike: But how fast?
Turtle: We're not people, we're turtles!
Bob:
Stand up for your rights!
Mike: Turtles don't have rights.
Bob: Really? That's mean.
Someone: They
plan their escape....
Turtle: So, we just crawl.
Crow: If this is in the next episode...
Someone: In the
new movie...
Turtle: Yeee-haw! I'm doing 5!
Servo: That's a stupid title.
Someone: Turtle Run!
All: WHAT?
Turtle: Slow
and steady gets eaten. Is that what we want?
Someone: Coming August 31st everywhere.
Turtle: I think so...
(Okay, that was stupid. But anyway...)
Bob: I hope to the User that the actual movie is better than this.
ABCBS
Productions present...
A movie directed by Mark Corpulent...
And it's called...
Two Fat Guys on the Planet Zombie
Mike: Yeah yeah, get on with it.
(A bunch of
violins play)
Some Words: Washington D.C. The White House.
Servo: The President is currently in the middle of an important meeting, so you can come in.
President: (Who's a woman)
Mike: That's new!
So, Tub, Real, you accept the mission?
Mike: What mission?
Tub: Uh, sure.
Real: Yep! I hate zombies!
President: Good.
Crow: (President) Because I'm one! BWA HAH HA MICKGJU!
Remember, the
zombies are approaching Earth soo fast...
Real: How fast is it?
Bob: 42 klicks per every micro-forter that grumpels every windbanger.
President: Really fast. REALLY fast. Really fast. Really fast. REALLY...
All: FAST!
Tub: We get the
point.
President: So, you each get a gun with 500 zaps of ammo, a big
spaceship, and food.
Crow:
Food for the phat!
Mike: That's "fat".
Crow: That's what I said!
Mike: No, you said "phat", not
"fat".
Crow: (confused) What? Huh? This
doesn't make sense!
Servo: It's called a homonym! Or is it a
homophone?
Crow: (even more confused, if that's
possible) NIM? PHONE?
Bob: Uh, Crow?
Crow: AAAIEEE! (Blows up)
Mike: CROW! Servo, go take care of him.
Servo: Can I get out?
Mike: Uh... just pretend you're on a break.
Servo: Okie dokey! (picks up Crow and runs
out)
Tub: We need
that!
Real: Lots of it!
Bob: Well, I don't.
President:
Well, that's good, cause you're getting it!
Some Words: (They are put up letter by letter, really slow) L a t
e r . . .
Mike: V e r y m u c h l a t e r . . .
President: We
salute you!
Real: That's great. Bye! *ZOOM*
Bob: (President) YOU FORGOT YOUR AMMUNIT- Aw, forget it. They won't need it.
President: Hey wait! What about my long boring speech to the masses?
Mike: I hate those.
Masses: Yay!
President: I'll do it anyway.
Masses: Boo!
Crow:
The masses then pick up pitchforks and torches and slay the
President.
Servo: Wouldn't they be shot by the secret
service.
Crow: These are masses. They are massive.
No one can kill THAT MANY people.
Mike: Crow, have you ever seen a movie called
"Rambo"?
Crow: Erm... no.
Mike: That explains it.
(Cut to a shot of "space".
Bob: In "space" we find a "ship" which is "going" to "a planet".
It's really just a big green and blue ball rolling away from a space ship.
Crow: I must say, that is the worst special effect I've ever seen.
Now to the interior of the ship)
Servo: Which is well decorated with a Persian carpet, lily wallpaper and a Ming Chinese vase.
Tub: Captain's
Log. Stardate.. um...
Real: August 4th.
Tub: August 4th.
All: August 4th.
We have.. just-blasted-off... fromEarth. We-are... flying ve-ry-fast and... we-are doing f-ine.
Servo: (Tub) Ex-cept for the..... f-act that I.... a-m... cho-king.
Real: Huh?
Tub: I like Shatner.
Real: Oh.
All: Oh.
Tub: Visual scanners report lots of food nearby.
Mike: (Tub) Which is just a lure so that something bad can happen.
Real: Mmm!
Wanna eat?
Tub: Sure thing.
Crow:
Suddenly, a zombie eats the whole ship!
Servo: What?
Bob: What was THAT?
Crow: Uh.... you didn't see anything!
(They leave)
(Just then, the light marked
Mike: INCOMING PLOT POINT!
"Approaching enemy zombie warship XR-2Z190-10-10-321 and we're all gonna die"
Crow: How did they fit that on the tiny little label?
flashes)
Real: Do you hear something?
Bob: (Tub) No.
Tub: You mean
the computer saying "Approaching enemy zombie warship
XR-2Z190-10-10-321 and we're all gonna die"?
Real: Yep.
Tub: Nope.
Servo: Um...
Real: Okay
then.
(They both double take)
Real & Tub: Approaching enemy zombie warship
XR-2Z190-10-10-321 and we're all gonna die? AAAAAAAA!
Mike:
How would they remember that?
Crow: You mean remembering Approaching enemy
zombie warship XR-2Z190-10-10-321 and we're all gonna die?
Mike: You amaze me.
Crow: Thank you!
P.A.L.: This ends the first part of the movie.
Servo:
Time to go then...
Bob: No, that's just for them.
Servo: Darn.
Please get up and stretch for 5... um... milliseconds.
Bob: 5 hours? Woo hoo!
(Out in the
main atrium thing)
Bob: Boy, that movie stinks.
Bob: I agree, me.
Dot: Yeah. It's like limburger
Crow: Ew.
Bob: Or my boots when I take them off.
Bob: I think the boots stink worse.
Enzo: Hey Bob?
Servo:
(Enzo) Can I talk really really hyper and annoy you
until you decide to shoot me through the head? Huh huh can I can
I?
Mike: (Bob) No, Enzo.
Servo: (Enzo) Uh... too bad!
Letsgodowntotheheartbreakhotelplaytahtfunkymusicwhiteboyplaythatfunkytalkingboutabrickhouseunh!
Bob: Tom, stop it.
Servo: Okay.
Bob: Shut up, I'm ignoring you.
Bob: Good.
Enzo: Mike the TV and I are going to tunnel our way under the theater to ABCBS' world headquarters and stop the movie.
Crow: That's a good plan.
Bob: Okay,
Mike, go ahead.
Enzo: What about me?
Bob: Shut up Enzo, I'm ignoring you.
Mike:
What's with you Bob? You're so mean to Enzo!
Bob: I know. I've never been THIS icy.
Enzo: *sigh*
Got the pick ax?
Mike: Yep.
Enzo: Drill?
Mike: Yep.
Enzo: Hard hat?
Mike: Wearing it. *taps it*
Enzo: Then let's go!
Bob: Have fun.
(Mike and Enzo
find a deserted spot somewhere and start digging)
P.A.L.: Okay, everybody, please go back into the theater.
Bob: We've got movie siiiiiign!
(The four laugh at this)
Dot: What?
Bob: Oh, uh, nothing.
Mike:
That is kind of funny.
Crow: Heh-eh!
Real: Okay, calm down. Nothing to worry about. Don't panic.
Bob: I have my blanket, and everything is fine.
(Button marked "Panic" comes on)
Mike: That was expected.
Real: Okay, now
we can panic.
(Panic ensues. Chaos ensues. Many other bad things ensue)
Servo: Hmm.... interesting.
Tub: The zombies are signaling us! Come Real, to the bat-bridge!
Crow: I wanted to make that joke.
(Tub's face zooms in on the camera and back out with that music. You know. Like in Batman. *sigh*)
Bob: How stupid do you think we are?
Zombie: (on screen) So, you have approached our zombie warship... oh I won't say it.
Crow:
I will! I will! XR-2Z-
Mike: CROW!
Crow: Sorry.
A very stupid thing to do! Because now you are inside our warship, and we are taking you to Planet Zombie! Mwa ha ha!
Servo: This guy reads too many comic books.
Real: Oh,
greaaat...
Zombie: So, bye.
Tub: What should we do?
Real: Just sit here and wait.
Tub: Okay.
Bob: Minutes pass. They are still waiting. Hours pass. Still waiting. Days. Still waiting. Years. Still waiting. They're dead, and then the Zombie guy says, "Okay, time to come out!"
(Cut to a shot of "space" again. A different spaceship has a big gray ball rolling towards it)
Mike: What a stupid budget.
Tub: Okay, get
ready. This could be ugly.
Real: Okay.
(Hatch opens)
Zombie: Hello. Please do not offend us in any way, or we will
hurt you.
Crow: Shouldn't the zombies just shoot them to bits as soon as the door opened?
Tub: Okay! Wow
you're nice.
Zombie: Thank you.
Servo: I'd like to visit zombies!
Real: Ooh!
String! (picks it up)
Zombie: AAAA! It is forbidden for visitors to pick up gruto!
Crow:
Gruto?
Servo: Geez, if you can't even pick up string,
then I don't want to go there.
Real: Gruto?
Zombie: You will be arrested!
(4,000 zombies appear)
Mike: Where did they come from?
Real: Um,
uh-oh.
Zombie: Attack!
(All 4,001 zombies fire Pain Guns Patent 8,392,283.2, and some
also carry Even More Pain Guns Patent pending)
Bob:
Well. I need to get one of those Pain Guns.
Mike: I'm going to get one for when Crow is a
little crazy.
Servo: We're in space! Where are we going to
find them?
Mike: Good point.
Crow: I'm saved!
Mike: I'll just make one.
Crow: Ooohhhh......
Real: AAA!
*writhes* *screams* *writhes* *horrors*
Tub: Real! REAL!
Crow: Fantasy! FANTASY!
(He turns to look at hte zombies, who are laughing. He narrows his eyes. He clenches his fist. Ooh, he's mad!)
Servo: Well, duh.
I DON' TINK SO!
Mike: There's the not-so-famous quote.
Zombie: What?
Tub: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Servo: (Tub) I stepped on a nail!
(He rolls like
a bowling ball through the crowd of skinny zombies, knocking then
down like bowling pins)
Real: Yay.. oo, my leg... Real to Sick Bay...
Crow: Okay.... this is just weird.
Tub: You will
never do that again!
Zombie: Nope, cause our planet's gonna self-destruct in...
(consults a watch) 4 minutes.
Bob: When did that happen?
Tub: Run! (Picks Real up and runs)
Zombie: You'll never esacpe... alive! Ha ha ha!
(Cut to shot of interior of ship)
Tub: Come on! Let's break free!
Mike: Break free of what?
Computer:
Self-destruct in 10, 9, 8, 7, 5...
Real: 5? What happened to 6?
Computer: Just kidding!
Real: Grrr...
Servo:
Say.... wasn't that in another movie.
Mike: Spaceballs.
Servo: Ah.
Computer: 5, 4,
3, 2...
Tub: We're not going to make it!
Computer: 1, 0.
Tub & Real: AAAAA!
Computer: Planet will self-destruct now. Have a nice day.
Tub & Real: Thanks!
Computer: You're welcome!
Mike: There's another rip-off of Spaceballs.
(Cut to a shot of "space". The spaceship is sitting there while I big flaming ball rolls away from it.
Servo: How very, very low tech.
It hits an offstage crew member)
Crow: Ouch!
Crew member: AAAA! My pants!!! Water! PUT IT OUT!
Bob:
Heh-eh.
Mike: Why is it funny to see other people
writhing in pain?
Bob: It just is.
Some Words: L a
t e r . . .
President: Here are your medals of bravery.
Crow: Bravery? I think Tub should get one, but not Real. He just writhed.
Tub: Thanks.
Real: Will you marry me now?
(Everyone blinks)
Bob: Where did that come from?
President: NO!
*slaps him*
Real: Ouch...
Servo: Oh well. He got what he deserved.
The End
Crow:
YAY! (gets up)
Mike: That's for them. Not us.
Crow: BOO! (sits down)
P.A.L.: This ends the movie. Please exit the theater and come back in five minutes for the credits.
Servo:
Credits? We have to sit through credits? NO ONE sits through
credits!
Crow: I do!
Servo: Uh... no one important.
Crow: HEY!
(Outside in the
atrium)
Bob: Well, that was bad.
Dot: Oh yeah.
Mike:
I agree.
Servo: Here here!
Crow: I second the motion!
Bob: I also agree!
Ray: I DON'T TINK SO! I DON'T TINK SO! HA HA HA!
(Everyone blinks)
Crow: Well. That was strange.
Mouse: Ray went
a little insane, sugah.
Matrix: (sarcastically) Too bad.
AndrAIa: Enzo! (Paralyzes him)
Bob: Heh-eh.
Dot: I wonder
how Mike is doing underground.
(Underground)
Enzo: Well, we're almost there! Just keep digging!
Mike: I can't go on! Leave me.... save yourself!
Servo: Good ol' Mike the TV drama.
Enzo: MIKE!
Mike: Sorry.
(Back at the atrium)
P.A.L.: Please enter the theater once more for the credits.
Crow: As if we have a choice!
Credits
Tub O. Lard..........................................................................Himself
Mike:
Geez. Look at all those dots.
Crow: I'm gonna take them!
Mike: Oh no you don't! This already happened in
MRT4K: Revenge.
Crow: Poo.
Real E.
Fat..........................................................................Himself
President....................................................................Tony
Jay's wife
Servo:
Tony Jay? Wasn't he Megabyte?
Bob: Yep.
Zombie Leader.......................................................................Tony Jay
Servo:
And there's Megabyte!
Bob: WHAT? WHERE? (Bob starts looking
around)
4,000
zombies..................................................................CGI
Creations
Masses.........................................................................CGI
Creations
Crow: Maybe SOME of the special effects were good.
Computer...............................................................Someone Who We Forget
Bob: Can't even remember her? That's mean!
Director
Mark Corpulent
Producer
Mark Corpulent
Servo:
He likes his name, doesn't he?
Crow: He should have been in the movie.
Crew
Mike: Mark Corpulent?
Mark Corpulent
Mike: Thought so.
Tom "AAA! My pants!" Atkins
Bob: Oh right. That guy.
Special Thanks
ABCBS
Sony
Other People Who We Met in College
Servo: Um.... yeah.
Blah blah blah
Crow: Huh?
P.A.L.:
This has been Two Fat Guys on the Planet Zombie. Thank you.
Tub: There's been a change in plans. We'll now be showing the
sequel, Two Fat Zombies on the Planet Guy!
Mike: What an original title.
Mainframers:
NOOOOOO!
(Meanwhile...)
Enzo: Hi! We're breaking through!
Mike: Must.... *BAM*
Bob:
Mike was then shot through the head.
Mike: Hey!
Bob: No, the TV.
Crow: Wishful thinking.
Bob: Got that right.
Control
Guy: Hey! Stop!
Mike: Bucket O' Nothing! 99.99.99!!!!
Bob:
(in fetal position) GAAA! MAKE IT STOP!
Mike: Whoa! Bob! It's just the fic!
Bob: Right. I knew that.
Control
Guy: AAAAA! *runs off*
(Mike and Enzo turn everything off on the control board)
Tub: Hey, what gives with this projector?
Real: Uh-oh. Manual Override.
Tub: Shoot.
Servo: BANG!
Bob:
Yay! Mike got through!
Dot: Yay Mike!
Mike: (comes in) Thank you!
Crow:
Shouldn't he have said, "You like me! You really really like
me!"
Bob: No.
Crow: Okay!
Enzo:
Hey what about me?
Bob: Shut up Enzo, I'm ignoring you.
Enzo: *sigh*
The End
Mike: But is it the real end?
CREDITS
Mike: It is!
Rebot is mine.
Bob: I'm going to make a list of what A_Einome owns. (He gets out a pad of paper)
Story copyright 2000 A_Einome.
Bob: The story.... Rebot...
Tub O. Lard and Real E. Fat are mine too.
Bob: Right....
So is ABCBS.
Bob: How long can this go on?
Bob, Dot, anfd the like belong to Mainframe.
Crow: You mean Mainframe Ent. Inc!
Mike Nelson is his own,
Mike: Go me!
and he probably doesn't care I'm mentioning him.
Mike: Nope. I don't.
"We've got movie siiiiiiign!" is probably properties of Best Brains Inc.
Servo: It isn't.
Tony Jay and his wife are very nice people, I'm sure they don't mind either.
Crow: I doubt ANYONE would mind.
The President doesn't care either, cause there hasn't been a woman one yet.
Bob: I wish there would be.
P.A.L. is properties of people who have computers answer you going "If you'd like to hang up, please press 1"
Servo: Heh-eh.
All the people in the movie are mine. I think.
Mike: The computer is from Spaceballs.
"Two Fat Guys on the Planet Zombie" is mine.
Crow: How long can this go on?
Turtle Run came from Chicken Run, and Nick Park rocks.
Servo: We've just learned something.
He won't care.... William Shatner won't care either, since he's been poked at in about every space humor fic.
Crow:
(pokes Bob) Poke. Poke.
Bob: Crow, you have been warned.
(Crow stops)
Okay? I think that's it. If I missed anything, please e-mail me at agbstarwars@hotmail.com but don't sue me.
Mike:
Why would we? No one reads this.
Crow: Except us.
Mike: Let's just leave.
(Everyone gets up and starts to leave)
Thank you, and Godspeed John Glenn.
(The bridge. Mike, the 'bots, and Bob are in a huddle)
Mike: All right.... so you know what to do?
Crow: Why not?
Mike: Scatter!
(The five [Gypsy] run off in different directions. Rustling is heard.)
Crow: (offstage) I look stupid.
Mike: (offstage) SHH!
(The Mads light flashes. A hand reaches up and presses it and then darts back down again)
(Widowmaker)
Megabyte: Hello, Michael and- hey! Where did you go?
(SOL)
Mike: (offscreen) TA DA!
(The five pop onto the screen. Mike is wearing a pillow underneath his shirt, and so is Bob. Crow is all gray and Servo looks the same. Gypsy is wearing a suit, if she can even do that)
Servo: We decided to do a mock version of the movie!
(Widowmaker)
Megabyte: My, my. You are cracking up.
(SOL)
Servo: I'm Mark Corpulent, and now I present.... Two Fat Guys on the Planet Zombie! (He runs off)
Mike: (Tub) So... Mrs. President, what do you want us to do?
Gypsy: (The President) Well, Mike-er-Tub and Real, you need to go stop the evil zombies from destroying us!
Bob: (Real) Okay! Let's go! (Mike and Bob run off)
(Cut to Mike holding a green and blue ball. He throws a small silver thing away from it)
Crow: Wooosh!
(Cut to Mike and Bob)
Mike: (Tub) Planet Zombie is approaching! Oh no! It's a warship!
Bob: (Real) AAAAA!
Crow: (Zombie Leader) MWA HA HA! I HAVE YOU NOW! MWA HA HA!
Mike: (Tub) AAA!
(Cut to Mike, Bob, and Crow by a big cardboard background colored with stuff)
Bob: (Real) Look! It is string!
Crow: (Zombie Leader) WHAT? KILL HIM!
(Crow makes zapping sounds)
Bob: (Real) OWIE!
Mike: (Tub) I DON'T TINK SO!
(Mike knocks Crow away)
Mike: Hey, that was kind of fun. Oh- (Tub) Ha! We have defeated you!
Crow: (offstage) No! The planet is going to explode!
Mike: (Tub) RUN!
(Cut to Mike and Bob)
Mike: (Tub) It's going to explode!
Gypsy: (offscreen, computer) 10, 9, 8, 7, 5, oops just kidding, 4, 3, 2 ,1 Have a nice day!
Bob and Mike: THANK YOU!
(Crow makes exploding sounds)
(Cut to Mike. He sets a gray bal on fire, then runs away, get a fire extenguisher, and puts it out)
(Cut to Mike, Bob, and Gypsy)
Mike: (Tub) We saved the day!
Bob: (Real) Marry me, President!
Gypsy: (The President) No! (She slowly runs into Bob, and Bob dramatically falls down)
Servo: THE END! Now for credits!
(Cut to a piece of cardboard with names on it)
Tub: Mike
Real: Bob
Zombie Leader: Crow
The President: Gypsy
Computer: Gypsy
Mark Corpulent: Servo
Sound Effects: Crow
Special Effects: Mike
Background: Crow and Servo
Servo: TA DA!
(Widowmaker. Megabyte, Pearl, Bobo, and Observer are crowded around the screen, on those movie chairs. Bobo is eating popcorn. They all clap. Bobo suddenly starts laughing)
Bobo: HA HA HA! I liked the part where the robot said, "TA DA!" HA HA HA!
Observer: You idiot! That wasn't even part of the movie! (He whacks Bobo)
Bobo: Ouch! AAA! Lawgiver! HELP!
Pearl: Stop it. Well, Mike, once again you've proven that this is actually working.
Megabyte: That is why we have decided to STOP giving you experiments.
(SOL. Everyone is staring at Megabyte)
Crow: Really? So we can just... LEAVE?
(Widowmaker)
Megabyte: No, no. But, when this experiment is over, you are free to go.
(SOL)
Crow: YAY!
Bob: It's finally over! YABBA DABBA DOO! (Bob punches his fist into the air)
Mike: Wait... there just has to be a catch.
(Widowmaker)
Pearl: Well, you are insane, so I suppose that's the only drawback. But now we know how to rule the world!
Megabyte: You mean the Net.
Pearl: That's what I said.
Megabyte: No, you said the world.
Pearl: No I DIDN'T!
Megabyte: Yes you did! It's on tape!
Pearl: Why you-
(Hexfield goes staticky)
(SOL)
Bob: Well THAT was easy!
Mike: But I know there has to be a catch... they wouldn't just STOP... we've done this kind of thing before, and-
(Lights and sirens go off)
Crow: Whaddya say we celebrate by watching more REBOT! COME ON MIKE!
Mike: But- but- well, okay.
